Post timing: 5 minutes
“Land, ho!” Captain Libby shouted as waves crashed onto the deck of their glorious ship, the Fancypants. Flapjax peeked through his eyepatch up at Libby, waving.
“Hard to port!” Libby shouted, and First Mate Flapjax manned the helm. The ship moved to the right.
“Flapjax!!” Libby shrieked. “Port is left. LEFT.” Flapjax scowled up at her, confused. She pointed in the actual direction of ‘port’ and Flapjax grumbled under his breath as he moved the wheel in the opposite direction. How was he supposed to know that ‘port’ meant ‘left’ in pirate? Geez.
The long sail caught a gust of wind, and the Fancypants took off, whooshing across the open sea with grace.
Arrrrrrrrgh, but she was a beaut, wasn’t she? Flapjax stood tall at the helm, smiling in his glory as he navigated through the waves.
All of a sudden, a loud BOOM echoed across the open seas. A cannonball crashed in the water, just missing their ship by a measly few inches! The crew of the Fancypants (in other words, Flapjax and Libby) flung themselves to the deck in terror.
“We’re being attacked! To your battle stations!” Captain Libby yelled as another cannonball shot through the air, narrowly missing the mast and tearing a big hole through the waving Fancypants banner – a proud coat of arms made up of a series of marching red bears on a pair of white, ruffled pantaloons.
Flapjax scrambled to the row of cannons lined up along the PORT side of the Fancypants and began lighting the wicks, waiting impatiently with paws tight over his ears in anticipation of the impending booms. (Of course, what he really wanted to do was run as fast as he could to the poop deck, but he had to hold his ground and fight like the brave bear Captain Libby needed him to be.)
The cannon went off, but their nemesis (and Libby’s unfortunate younger cousin), pirate captain Tommy Bananas, skillfully maneuvered his ship, the Dragon Breath, out of range.
Flapjax growled with rage and began the task of re-loading the cannons.
Now, I’m not sure if you’ve ever picked up a cannonball, but they are quite heavy. Flapjax was pretty strong for a tiny stuffed bear, but why would you try to pick up a 10-pound ball of iron when you could simply roll it across the deck? And why would you go back and forth between the cannons and the box of cannonballs when you could just empty the cannonballs and let them roll right across the deck to the cannons? Easy-peasy, right?
Wrong. Very, very wrong, as Flapjax soon found out.
The moment he managed to tip the box of cannonballs out onto the deck by heaving his back against the box and pushing off the side of the ship with his feet, he realized his mistake. As the box emptied and Flapjax fell to the floor, the cannonballs rolled together to the side of the ship, and the Fancypants began to tilt in that direction. It tilted slowly at first, and then before Flapjax knew what was happening, the whole ship had capsized, and he was flying through the air towards the murky ocean water.
Flapjax hit the water with a smack, belly-flopping in a failed attempt at flying away. He paddled his arms and legs with all his might, pushed his way to the surface, and let in a huge gulp of air (along with a little too much salty sea water). He coughed and spat, flailing about blindly. He caught a glimpse of Libby – she had managed to swim to an island not too far away.
Flapjax could not swim. He hated the water so much, he had refused to learn. Baths are bad enough for stuffed bears…why would he voluntarily have one? But at that moment, he was really wishing he had listened to Libby and taken the swimming lessons with her.
Flapjax flapped his arms and paddled his feet until he was breathless and so tired he wanted to give up.
Suddenly, he felt himself being lifted out of the water. Mermaids?!
Nope, not mermaids. It was much, much worse than mermaids.
Captain Tommy Bananas stood holding a dripping, breathless Flapjax by one extremely soggy leg, a sly smile on his rough, bearded face.
Flapjax whimpered. He heard Libby shouting angrily from far off on her island.
“You give him back, Tommy! I mean it!!” she shouted, frantic with fear for her best friend and first mate.
Tommy Bananas just cackled with glee…
Come back next week to see what happens to Pirate Flapjax!
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